It's a brand new day...

As I sit here, musing on the past year of my life... I realize I spent most of my 28th year in a state of drunken reclusivity. Now, at the beginning of 2011 as well as the verge of 29 I realize that in this, the final year of my 20s I need to take stock and figure out where I want to go from here. In this, the first thing I'm writing in the new year... I'm not making resolutions. Resolutions are for the weak, fr those who need that feeling of guilt to motivate. I'm instead setting goals. Things I want to achieve before I turn 30 in 2012. Things I was already planning to do, but there's no time like the present for. Things its time to stop procrastinating on but won't matter if I get to it or not. Hopefully some of my friends will be willing to help keep me on task.

First amongst these goals... I want to spend more time in creative pursuits. I intend to spend a good portion of time writing, be it short stories, music, poetry, my poor neglected music blog. I have so many ideas I want to work on it's high time I did something with them.

Next up, I need to get my business off the ground. As I work on that, it's time I finally got some sort of certification. Sure, some of you may claim I'm certifiable already.

I hear someone behind me staging an intervention. The primary thing I'm hearing from them is that your choices are your own. It brings a tear to my jaded eye. I choose to do what I'm doing, because it seems like a good idea. I have made some choices in the past that have turned out to be not so great. I have perhaps spent too much time dwelling on them but the truth is, I regret NONE of them. I have come to realize that I am the sum of my experiences, that they, good or not so wise, make me the man I am today.

On that note, next amongst my goals, I want to take some of those creations from earlier and try to get something published. I don't give a shit if I profit from my effort, but I want to be able to take something and show, if not my own children, my nieces and nephews that I actually did something, that for one fleeting moment, that I was good enough to be noticed.

I want to reconnect with old friends. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lousy friend. I tend to drift away from those who at the time, mean a hell of a lot to me. For that, I am truly sorry. As I've mentioned, I've become a bit of a recluse. In the past few months, I've only associated with a handful of people, only one of whom I hang out with on a semi-regular basis. I could have an AMAZING circle of friends, but thanks to my tendancy to drift, I only have a few. To people I went to school with, have worked with, I'm sorry.

I want to spend more time with my siblings. I really only spend any quality time with them during family functions. Never really just socializing and hanging. Steven, Rachel, love you both. Let's just hang sometime.

Stimulate my mind. It's become atrophied as of late. Play more chess, do more sudoku, master the Rubik's Cube. I crave intellectual stimulation. I guess this also still stems back to that whole creativity thing.

Level up in a few skills. I've decided to learn how to solder in a desire to learn circuitry design and ultimately robotics. Don't ask me why. Why the hell not?

Jump out of an airplane. Again... why the hell not?

Make some sort of progress in getting my pilots license. I've been talking about it for over a year, time to shit or get off the pot. It was among the most exhilarating experiences of my life, and I want to recapture that.

Fall in love... eh. I could take it or leave it right now. I thought it was something I was ready for, but in retrospect, well... if it happens, it happens. If not, I'm cool with it. Sure, I'd like to have someone to share life with, but I'll just go with the flow for now.

Keep up with the progress I've made since I started working out a few months ago. I'm down about 30 pounds from where I started, but while the scale isn't moving at the moment, I'm noticing definite progress. From a peak high of 267, this is a good thing. T-shirts are fitting a little tighter around the shoulders, pants fitting a little looser. I think I'll keep up with this.

Well, now. This seems like a rather lofty list of goals. With effort, I can make most of it happen. 11 pages so far in this journals I've decided to start keeping. A good start. I fully intend, nevertheless, to proceed in living life to the fullest. As I close this entry, I leave you with the words of one of my greatest inspirations, Hunter S. Thompson: Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.
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It's come to this

A rare, sober, morning post. Don't think I've ever actually done THAT before.

Unemployed since January. The boredom is really getting to me, and it's not for lack of trying to find a job. I can't even get hired as a damn dishwasher.

I've lost contact with a lot of people over the past few months. Sorry about that. Some people I may have said things to, late at night, while hammered. Others I've just drifted from.

Had a lot of time to think while I was waiting for job interviews to not be set up. During all of this, the wanderlust has not left me. I get the feeling now that I would be happiest roaming the world, but there's apparently not much money in that, unless your name is Anthony Bourdain.

Something I CAN get excited about, though, is my impending road trip next month. I'm returning to Bonnaroo. I might not be able to re-capture the glory of the first time, but there will be plenty of new experiences that will never be re-captured in future trips. All right. I'm giddy just THINKING about going again, and as most people know, I don't DO giddy.

Whatever. Screw it. I guess I wanted to let people know I'm still around, and not going anywhere, except maybe on the road.

Second most expensive bottle of booze I've purchase

For all of you out there who were unaware (and I suspect that there were many), Dan Aykroyd was is town this afternoon promoting/shilling Crystal Head vodka. I know it's pretty campy, and whatever, but a rare chance is a rare chance. What's nifty though, is the bottle is shaped as a skull. Rare opportunity, how the hell could I pass it up, right?

Passed up the obvious Ghostbusters geekout, took the cover of Blues Brothers instead. Dude even SIGNED Elwood.

All right, I'm still geeked out. Carry on.

A look back at 2008

Well, now. Been a fascinating year. Gaming, Chapter 11, Bonnaroo, Rock Fest, LSD, Chapter 11 again, liquidation, girls, too much alcohol.

I truly love gaming. The randomness, the companionship, the random jokes, all of it. I know, sometimes I've been a flake about it, but sometimes, a man needs his solitude. I love the group I'm with, though, even though I'm not necessarily the best gamer. I freely admit that I'm into it mostly for the camaraderie. Big on looting, distant on combat (skill in archery FTW!). Whatever. I cherish the time I've spent rolling dice of various denominations.

Work has been down the shitter, lately. Steve and Barry's has been mostly a game of "Who Can Make It" since July. Chapter Filing #1 was filled with dread, but was fantastic news when we learned that we'd be staying open. News which was shattered when we filed Chapter 11 for the SECOND time in mid-November. I've been designated the official store liaison for the fixtures, and while I've been told I'm doing well at it, I doubt that I've been doing enough. Fuck. It's truly painful to me to be selling the fixtures and at the same time to be leaving the store in such a disgusting mess. At least I know that there's an end in sight, allegedly January 17. Ten days before my birthday. How's that for a birthday present... "Happy birthday, here's a pink slip." Fuck it. I've done all I can. Some great friends on my crew. People I can depend on, whether or not it's out of friendship or out of desire for a paycheck. I've never pretended that it's more than just hours, but there are people working for me that would unquestionably follow me into hell if I asked them to, even if they would NEVER take the direct orders from someone else. Fuck, I understand why they did it, but I know for a fact that they would have had FAR better success in waiting until after the holiday to file for bankruptcy. Fuck, everything is marked down to Fifty percent off. This could have been a profitable holiday season, but the douchebags in charge (The Kid Nation, so to speak, decided it was best to liquidate during the holidays.) Anyone who has ever shopped at Steve & Barry's KNOWS that we've got the best price on quality shit.

All right, Bonnaroo. Truly the best experience of my life. Nothing but love and respect for everyone and everything. Music, drugs, sex, a complete free-for-all. Greening has become a major theme in my life. I dropped acid (five doses at once, in fact (go big or go home is my motto)) for the first time. Fantastic experience. I even truly learned that death is a fact of life (Never mind the fact that I communed with the entire universe and learned that everything is fleeting (seriously... there was someone that suffered from epilepsy right in front of me)). Fantastic festival, I saw Willie Nelson, Chris Rock, and Metallica on the same fuckin' evening. Ok, so I'm a damn dirty hippie. Even have the Jesus-Walker sandals to prove it. Fuck you, they're, goddamn comfortable. Regardless. I''m planning the trip to Manchester, TN again.

Rock-Fest. A great experience, although it paled in comparison to Bonnaroo. Bands that I loved, and some I was less than familiar with. Regardless of that... Godsmack put on one HELL of a set, even though I'm only familiar with their first album. Awesome show. Stone Temple Pilots had a decent show, although Scott Weiland (that asshole who decided to quit Velvet Revolver, lead singer thereof). was so fucked up on heroin that he actually forgot that he was in eight rows into the audience. Great time, enhance by the fact that Meatbag and I were somehow granted Corporate VIP status. You can be DAMN sure that I took advantage of the open bar.

All right, back to the liquiaation. I've been formally been appoiomted the official store liaison. If you wamt a deal on 36 inch televisions, I'm your dude, Five left.

Christmas gift... I'm willing to suppply anything; I KNOW ALL the prices, will deal anything (PLASMA TVS ARE SOLD =OUT)

Seriously... I learned one hell of a lot about the human condition while I was tripping on LSD.

Ok, yeah, the work thing sucks major ass, but I've got a couple of prospects. If nothing works out, I've got plans to start an IT firm catering to small businesses. Serioly, a firm catering to small busubesses.

RockFest was truly an educatuibqk experience in that I learned exactly how much Clear Channel has an influence on what actually gets played. Freebird deserves MUCH more recognition.

Girls: Ok, yeah. The ONE area I'm not that good with. There's potential (well, ok, I at least SENSE potential). This young lady is AWESOME. Various thingz in common, in addition to the fact that I am completely disgusting to (sporadic) compansionship.

All right, whatever. I freely admit that I am completely insecure,.

Inebriated contemplation.

I'm sure some of you know I like the alcohol. I'm sure even less of you even remember I exist. I'm ok with this fact.

Fact is, I've been in a rather introspective mood lately (Although being just drunk enough with the right level of introspection is rather uncommon, given my sporadic postings and almost omnipresent disclaimer that I've been drinking), what with the job situation, and financial situation, and other random shit.

Ok, job situation. Things are pretty damn hazy right now. I love my job, but I wake up every morning realizing that I could find out that the company no longer exists. Sure, that fear has been somewhat assuaged, but I still don't know what to think.

Anyway... I've been doing a it of thinking, and realizing that I've dedicated my life to enjoying myself. I've got no problem with this fact. I love my life, and I'm damn glad I've made most of the decisions I made (dropping out of college, becoming moderately successful at a job I enjoy, among others). It's been a great time... gaming with some good friends, perfoming with Rocky Horror, road trips, dabbling in various things, but dammit, there's so much more I want to do, and it sure as hell doesn't involve working myself into an early grave.

In no particular order, the things I want to do:
Buy and learn to ride a motorcycle
Keep going back to Bonnaroo
Start a moderately successful side business
Record and publish an album
Write and publish a novel
Drift through the American southwest
Build a house
Work as a roadie
Shoot guns with Ted Nugent
Backpack through Europe for a summer


Who knows. Some of those are more achievable than others, and I'd be happy if I could accomplish half of those. Here's to another year and a half of not posting.

What to say when you have nothing to say

Still alive, still kickin', rockin', rollin', lovin', livin', dyin'. I'm sure that by now, most people here have even forgotten about me, and I'm ok with that. I'm having a bit of a time trying to balance the need to get out more with the need to actually get more money. It's been mentioned to me several times that I should learn how to bartend, satisfying both needs at the same time.

That car I had? The weird looking one? Finally died. Granted, I paid 900 for it, and drove the hell out of it for 8 years now.

I've got plans to go to Bonnaroo in June and Rock Fest in July. Means I won't be able to get to Texas this year, but alas it wasn't to be.

Things are going well on the homebrewing front, thinking about passing on the ale kits at the Wine and Hop Shop, and trying various recipes found online. Not quite ready to handcraft yet, but when I do, it should be interesting.

Other than this sort of stuff, nothing new. I need to make my life more interesting.

Local News

I'm sure that by now, everyone has heard about the recent murder in a Fitchburg apartment building. Imagine my surprise when I walked out of my building yesterday to find it cordoned off and the police asking for my information. Quite the surreal experience.

Hmm... practically four months

What's been up, you ask? A lot, not enough, either one works. I became a renter a couple months ago, and so far, life is pretty good. Work's been keeping my ass really busy, what with the various projects, celebrity lines, and other crap coming up. It's been a fascinating time, really, but damn, would I like to get some actual time off. Feeling the Captain's Itch, you might say. The open road calls to me, and I need to heed the call, yet I can't afford it right now.

On the other hand, gas isn't THAT expensive. I should fill the tank, and see how far I can get.

I'm ashamed to admit that I've been slacking on my music lately. Haven't really had the time to do any writing, and the muse just hasn't really been there. I miss being creative, but real like takes precedence, sometimes. Ah well.